If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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