imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
