Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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