My first STD was from a foam party
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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