so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
