i permit you to call me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
