i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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