ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
