2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
