Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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