I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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