I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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