I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize