doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Panties = found
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
