Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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