I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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