My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
