just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
