Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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