so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
