I puked a lego.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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