I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
