Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
