I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
