Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
