He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
