I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
