dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
