Non-Jews are for practice
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
