dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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