I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
