I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I skipped work to stalk him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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