Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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