normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
