WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
