Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
