if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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