Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
