Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
