shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
