i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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