Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
