I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
