A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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