My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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