rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
