He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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