You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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