I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
