Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
