thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize