It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
