He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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