That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
