You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize