my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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