just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
