I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i believe in u and ur pee
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
