literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize