I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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