Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
