I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my liver is dry heaving
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
