I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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