vagina is talking i cant
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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