Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
