so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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