I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
