I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
