He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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